Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.