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Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.