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Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.