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Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
As an adult, Iām not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
I make a great second impression.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?