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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.