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Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
I just ran a .003048K
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem