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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
I’m amazed by how quickly I forget what I’m doing.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.