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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I only accept apologies in cash.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.