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If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.