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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!