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Vodka is just amazing water.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…