Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
The recipe I am making says to chill for 30 minutes so I`m sitting back and having a margarita!
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.