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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
We get it poets: things are like other things
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Is food porn star a thing yet??
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.