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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.