Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.