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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Not so great minds also think alike.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"