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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!