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You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.