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Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Smooth move.........ExLax
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.