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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.