Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.