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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Back in my day we had 9 planets.