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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories