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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.