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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
You know why you like me ... Cause your f*ckin crazy too!!!
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D