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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy