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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
I don`t want it to seem like I`m trying to get rid of you, but GO AWAY!!