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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.