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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!