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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
I put a pair of boots in the bathroom stall at work so nobody else will use the stall that I like to use.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.