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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.