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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
i feel naked without my mobile !
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.