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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.