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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.