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Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
My favorite beer is the next one.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.