Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.