Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.