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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...