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Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?