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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*