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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.