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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
It should really be called teethpaste.