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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.