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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
No pants are the best pants.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.