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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.