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My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.