Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I just threw up my weekend.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?