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I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
If you get excited that jumping on the bed won`t spill the wineglass on the other side, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......