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My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
The fox says you need to stop.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Lol at birds that walk places.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
My life is a very complicated drinking game
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.