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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!