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It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?