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Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."