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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.