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wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.