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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
My cardio is shopping.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.