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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.