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That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
I need a partner in wine.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.