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PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
My inner self is in Photoshop
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Relationship Status: eating
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.