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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
My own personal hell sounds great, actually
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?