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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.