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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!