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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!